March Post: Medieval Romance in upper society
Where would we be without romance? We look for it in our lives, in movies, in books. As a writer of romance, adventure novels, I have crafted my novels with the threads of romance interwoven throughout the storytelling, but that thread is a very modern concept of romance. What was medieval romance really like? Did men and women still meet and fall in love, get married and have a happy ever life? Yes, they did, thank goodness, but it was rarer than you might suppose, especially for those in higher echelons of society.
Medieval upper- class, romance was as wonderful as it is today, but love and marriage were a far different matter. Couples generally met through parental arrangement, presented to each other as a business arrangement for financial and social gain and of course the breeding of children. Love was not a requirement. The man was very often many years senior to the girl. A girl was considered eligible for marriage by the time her body reached puberty, as young as 12 or 13 in many cases. Because these alliances were loveless arrangements, romance by the 12th century could be gained outside the marriage, if the rules of chastity and fidelity were observed.
This kind of romantic love was based on the code of Chivalry which came with a list of rules. Knights and Ladies of the court often indulged in the acceptable behavior of flirting with each other, regardless if they were married or not, as attraction sparked between them. It was acceptable for a married woman to give a personal token to a chosen knight, to be worn during a tournament, showing everyone the knight had her favor.
Sex of course was absolutely forbidden, virginity being highly prized by a future husband. But Knights and Ladies did indulge in holding hands, dancing, and giggling together in quiet corners. This acceptable form of flirtatious love was so popular, a list of permissible actions was written as a guide. One of the rules was, Marriage is no real excuse for not loving. Perhaps this is how the famous love story of Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere, started as courtly love but developed into a true love story under King Arthurs nose. The couple having fallen deeply in love, disregarded the rules of chastity. They were sadly discovered, and legend has it that Lancelot ended his days as a hermit and Guinevere joined the church to become a nun.
More next month.
Recommended book: “The Greatest Knight” by Elizabeth Chadwick